I started wearing my moms and my sisters’ clothes from a very young age, could have even been as young as 9. I’d no idea what I was doing, or what the meaning of it was, but I remember the first time I got hard was when I was wearing some pantyhose. Bear in mind that there were no external influences on this. I grew up pretty sheltered and rural, and because this was in the 90’s, I had no idea what porn was either. So, this was happening organically. And, if I’m honest, I felt a bit guilty about it at the time, knowing that there was no one I could talk to about what was happening to me. I wouldn’t have even known what to say.
Fast forward to when I was 13 and the family finally caught up to the Joneses by getting this horrendous whale of a PC with rural Ireland levels of dial-up connectivity. This meant that, given a few hours here and there, I could occasionally catch a glimpse of the female form online. But, the fact that I liked what I saw confused me more. I had thought I was maybe gay. Sometimes I thought I might have secretly been a woman trapped in a boys’ body – but I was still considered fairly normal by the guys. I ran track meets, played football – all of the regular stuff you absolutely have to do in that environment. The thing is, I still only really felt in any way sexual when I was dressed like a girl.
By the time I had finished school, I had pretty much exclusively started watching porn with scenes involving tights and pantyhose – dreaming that one day I would be able to look nice wearing the same things. I’d done more research by this stage (thanks, internet) and discovered that I wasn’t all that weird – millions of others were into it too. In this, I found solace, because there was still no way that I could have that discussion with the people around me. Regardless, because of those who supported me online, I was comfortable within myself for once, and my guilt was finally dissipating. I was finally emboldened to start exploring my own real sexual identity and as a result of this (and moving out of home) feminine clothing began to creep into my wardrobe, item by item.
Chastity and confidence.
These days, I’m a grown man, I do okay in life and I’ve since amassed a pretty extensive collection of girly clothes. I have a favourite pair of heels (6in stilettos) which I can actually walk in, I have a few friends that know what I’m about and are totally ok with it. I have a 7 inch dildo and I’ve recently ordered a chastity belt that I can use when I’m dressed up for meets. I only have one wig so far, as they’re really expensive. Most importantly though, I have my own space in which I can be myself all day if I want to. I no longer think that I was a woman born into a man’s body. Instead I’ve embraced that there are 2 sides of me; sometimes I want to be a sissy, and a lot of the rest of the time I’m happy just being a regular guy. Thanks for letting me vent all of that here!