Do Dommes need Aftercare? Yes, Yes We Do!

So I’ve written an article on the importance of aftercare of a Submissive and as promised it is now time to look a bit closer at the importance of aftercare for the Domme as well. This is precisely the type of drop that can often be forgotten about or dismissed as “not a real thing”. Looking in from the outside, a Domme may seem invincible and tough as nails but, during a good session, they can experience the same chemical reactions as a sub in sub-drop. A Domme-drop or Top-Drop can, just like a sub-drop, be both physical and emotional. The experience for a Domme experiencing a drop can, however, be quite different. Often, when aftercare is discussed and arranged it is in relation to the sub but this care isn’t necessarily reciprocated.

Consider the physically demanding nature of Domming

I think we should discuss the Physical elements of a Domme drop first. Planning and carrying out a session can be physically exhausting. Not only do Dommes have to be creative and plan a session that will (hopefully) arouse both parties, they also must ensure that it’ll be safe for everyone involved. Then there’s the session itself where (depending on the session of course) they may have a more physical element involved e.g. whipping/flogging or using their muscle strength in various other ways. This mixed with the muscles tensing during the chemical rush of endorphins can leave a Domme feeling stiff and sore. You see, people often don’t consider the physicality and stamina required sometimes from a domme during a session. It’s a serious workout! So, subs; why not offer your domme a massage after? Another good idea is to take a shower or bath together (this is aimed more so at D/S couples). The hot water will loosen the muscles and ease both parties back to their normal chemical state. Some dommes might (once again like a sub) need a rest/nap after a session. If this is the case, it’s always good to continue the aftercare after the nap or check back in later (if not a couple/don’t live together). Hugs and cuddles are a super easy form of physically making your domme feel more secure. But bear in mind some dommes prefer physical space. Talk to your domme and see what their needs are. And let’s not forget the most key element to physical recovery – water! And have some yourself while you’re at it!

Top-Drop can be emotional

Next, we move on to the emotional side of a domme-drop. This can be the one that’s harder to notice, especially if a sub is still in a state of subspace or are on the verge of their own sub-drop. Quite often BDSM play goes against the teachings we were brought up with. The concept of inflicting pain, despite it being consensual, contradicts what we were taught when discussing building good relationships. This can sometimes play on the mind of a domme and leave conflicting ideologies. The easiest solution. Thank your domme for a fun session. Praise her on parts you enjoyed. This will reconfirm any doubts she may have that either what she did was “wrong” or that she may not have performed as well as she could have. Another good technique, also super easy, is to just ask “How are you feeling?” or “Can I do anything to help?”. It’s THAT easy! Your domme is not a robot. She’s a human being with feelings and, while you’re looking after your own needs, just acknowledge hers. This acknowledgement will really build a trust and ensure that they leave the session feeling as good as you.

Consider getting a “Babysitter”? But wait, are we not adults?!

A concept I’ve never considered before, until doing some extra research for this article, is the idea of a “babysitter”. This is a mutual of both the domme and sub that can help with aftercare. As I mentioned in my last article, sub/top-drop can last anything from a few hours to a few days. Having an agreed upon mutual that can be there to give support is an excellent idea! (Why hadn’t I thought of this before?!) Of course, the initial period after a session (the first 15-30 mins) should be carried out by the domme and sub themselves so as not to create a feeling of abandonment. But we all live super busy lifestyles these days and sometimes we cannot give aftercare for 3-4 hours. Also, some people when experiencing a drop would prefer to be alone (once they’ve had their water and are in their comfy clothes) to contemplate the session. This is where the babysitter can come in and chill out with the other party member and watch a movie, eat snacks, talk things over etc. and this can easily be done with a mutual friend.

It’s easy to check in.

A “babysitter” isn’t the answer to a drop that lasts for days though. (Come on, they have a life too!) It is always really important to check in with your domme the next day or a few days after. If you don’t live together drop them a text or ask them out for coffee. Obviously, it’s different if you’re seeing a Pro-Domme, but this doesn’t mean you still can’t drop them a text. It shows a level of care that they may not get from other clients and therefore might make them more inclined to have a session again in the future.

The main thing to take from this article is that aftercare isn’t just one-sided. You need to recognise your own triggers and learn how to care for them AND care for your play partner. If these are discussed beforehand you may even find aftercare methods that work for both parties. Win Win!

Written exclusively for Female Fetish Federation

2 responses to “Do Dommes need Aftercare? Yes, Yes We Do!”

  1. I had literally never heard of top-drop before this, but it does make a lot of sense now that its right there in front of me in writing, Being a bit older, I’ve had to start leaving bigger gaps in between sessions because of just feeling totally mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Might have to try out the babysitter idea – one for my kids while I’m away, one for me lol

  2. I’m a Dominatrix and I see this talked about a lot online. tbh I wasn’t sure that domme-drop was even a thing because I hadn’t considered it myself but I do most definitely feel emotionally drained after a heavy psychological play session. I see this as work so I need to take time to rest between sessions because as you say, “Your domme is not a robot”

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