Does how I learn to become a good Dominant lie in the hands of a mentor?

Black mentor

In BDSM, mentors are crucial. It’s highlighted in every ‘BDSM for Beginners’ piece of writing one reads when still in the experimental phase. This is a field where one crosses the rubicon, and puts trust or is entrusted with another’s safety all for the purpose of pleasure. All dangerous games need rules and someone to teach them.

Alls well and good if you’re a submissive or the receiving party, your role is to just follow instructions. But what if you are wishing to be a dominant?

I am South African and the scene is segregated by distance amongst other divides. Further, most of the country’s population is conservative and the society is patriarchal. This means women who do exhibit dominant personalities are negatively labeled and judged or treated as a novelty to be put back in its box, eventually.

A lot of time, on my end, has been wasted appeasing men and this is why I turned to FemDom. But I need a mentor whom I can trust and want to emulate. As I have been going at this alone since the beginning of my journey, only gluing bits of Dommes I admire to myself along the way, it’s only now becoming a need for a more experienced individual to guide me. I have toyed with the idea of requesting mentorship from British or American Dommes, but it wouldn’t be the same. Agreed, all subs are the same, but a South African Domme would have so much unique and specific details about how to navigate this land we both inhabit.

While my search continues, I will be my own mentor and mentee. I have a good head on my shoulders and have made sound decisions thus far. If I trip, that’s okay, it’s a part of the learning process.

Written exclusively for Female Fetish Federation

2 responses to “Does how I learn to become a good Dominant lie in the hands of a mentor?”

  1. There are books and podcasts and blogs to get advice from but it never beats the personal touch. I’ve had a bit of mentoring from a Domme I really admire and I’m so grateful. Even though I don’t practice the same kind of domination she taught me loads about how to find my style and work with it. Good luck on your hunt

  2. Good post. I often forget that BDSM is harder to practice in other areas and gets pushed way underground as a result. Hope you find what you’re looking for!

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