Don’t assume that because many Dommes enjoy being called Mistress that it is the same for all of us. As with everything, we are individuals that have our own particular likes and dislikes. I cannot say it often enough that you should do your research before contacting a Pro Domme.
Part of the reason that I write all these articles is to tell you what my personal preferences are. This, I believe, gives you a better idea of my expectations before, during, and after a session, and also for you to determine if BDSM à la Inanna is what you’re looking for.
Unlike many of my Domme sisters, I don’t particularly like when unknown subs address me as Mistress. This, along with the fact that I let some of my submissives use the informal “tu” form in French sometimes raises eyebrows in the Parisian BDSM community and beyond. Let me clear a few things up for you so that you can be better prepared when you contact me or another Domme.
Reasons I Dislike Mistress
A title means little if it’s not earned. How many times am I contacted by people I have never exchanged with who start their email with “Hello My Mistress.” I am certainly not yours, and we have never so much as spoken on the telephone when you decide that I am to be the one you want to submit to. It just doesn’t sit right with me.
While I am perfectly aware that many of you have been conditioned to use it, if we do not have an ongoing D/s relationship, I am not your Mistress. I am a professional Domme that you are contacting to possibly session with (if, of course, your candidature pleases me).
The Linguistics of Mistress
Linguist by training, the sound of a word and how it rolls off the tongue is important to me. Mistress (and even worse, Maîtresse in French) doesn’t appeal to my ears. Too many S sounds strung together makes it sound like someone is hissing at me, which actually sometimes seems to be the case. “Mistress, I…” is all too often followed by some weak, generic complaint or, even more common, a misplaced request.
In addition, Mistress has multiple meanings and not all positive ones. When we talk about someones mistress, we are usually referring to the lover of a married/partnered man. She is the “other woman” and generally seen as a home-wrecker. There is also something mildly sexist about the term, as she “belongs” to the man in question. Hard for me to define this more precisely, but it just sits wrong with me.
You are not showing respect simply by using the a certain word (or with the “vous” form in French). You show your respect through actions, loyalty, dedication, and sacrifice. This does not happen through your choice of vocabulary. It takes time, effort, and a whole lot of energy. Yes, I understand that many of you feel that it’s a sign of respect, and I don’t disagree, but as the saying goes “show, don’t tell.”
So what should you call me? Madame is my preference. Madam, Miss or Ms. Justice are all good, as well. Even simply Inanna works fine. I love my name and all that it stands for (I invite you to read about the Goddess Inanna). You are welcome to use it. Just don’t call me Mistress if I haven’t ordered you to do so.
Inanna Justice is a regular contributor to FFFbuzz.com. Visit her website here and follow her on Twitter. And of course, follow the Female Fetish Federation on Twitter and come back to our site regularly to stay up to date with new articles and interviews.