Don’t Get Upset if Your BDSM Slaves Disappear, Was It Really That Deep in the First Place?

mistress and slave

I was scrolling on My Twitter timeline when I saw this about BDSM slaves.

It’s really important for Dommes to realise, even though we might not want to, that ultimately we are fetish providers. Submissives will come to us to explore their kinks and then disappear because they have lives too.

But I collared them, so it’s not right that they just left like that

First maybe you should ask yourself this question –

“Did I really collar them?”

I used to see the term “velcro collar” used a lot in the BDSM community. This is when a Domme collars a slave after only knowing them a few days or weeks and expects 100% loyalty but all bonds need to be built on. A best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or significant other is never made in a day either. It’s a similar concept when forming a Domme/sub relationship.

All human-to-human connections need to be formed naturally. BDSM slaves are normally put “Under consideration” for ownership, so this is the time to treat this like a dating period. Are they doing things to impress you and make you happy? How long do you want them to prove themselves to you before you decide that they have earned the privilege of being owned by you?

Velcro collars do nothing but show that the standards of servitude haven’t been reached. It’s more stressful for a Domme to discipline an owned slave with very little experience if they misbehave, because the expectation of them is too high for where they are actually at. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow. It’s an honour for a slave to be owned, so let them earn your name.

Dominatrix with with her high heel on her slave
Dominatrix with with her high heel on her slave

Doesn’t having many slaves mean I am a good Dominatrix?

What benefit is there to have many slaves of low quality, rather than one slave of high quality? Try not to spread yourself so thin and give so much of yourself to people who might not even deserve your time. Some Dommes seem to think that owning a lot of BDSM slaves makes them a better Domme, and it really doesn’t. Always picking quality over quantity, in any area of life, will have a better return on your personal and emotional investment.

Nobody can be at their best if they are trying to be their best for every submissive or slave. Focus on the relationships that are important and beneficial to you. It’s far more rewarding in the long run.

But I have feelings though, so when should I get upset?

The only thing that upsets Me is if I’m in a long term lifestyle relationship with a submissive, and he does something to hurt Me personally. So he is either My cuckold or full time slave that serves in person. We’ve gotten to know each other on a personal level, what makes us laugh, smile and cry. If he decides to do something selfish, or say something really distressing to Me then I will tell him what he has done and why it upsets Me. Our relationship needs that level of communication.

Dominatrix caring for her slave
Dominatrix caring for her slave

I have no reason to get hung up over someone I’ve never met before, or know almost nothing about. Why should they have any warrant over My emotions? The answer is, they shouldn’t because they haven’t earned it.

It’s really important to be aware of what type of Domination you are going to practice and when. If you are a Lifestyle Dominatrix, that does mean you are potentially involved in a relationship with your submissive in the “real world” also. When you offer a service to a submissive for them to come to you for an hour or two, after the session is over, you both go back to your “normal” lives without each other. To offer both experiences, you’ll need to know what your submissive has signed up for and it’s imperative not to get them confused.

Think about it carefully. Do you hear from anyone else in your life everyday? If you do, how long had you known them for? Relationships need tension to survive. Disappearing or silence means potentially that when you get together. The connection will be much stronger as you will have things to catch up on.

Ok but they really overstepped the mark this time

When your BDSM slaves do something really offensive and below the belt walk away and don’t look back. If he disrespected you and you choose to keep them, what does that say about your own standards? The previous chances they had to correct their behaviour shows there really is little chance that you can mould him into being what you want.

Compatibility is key. Learning to let go is key. Why do you need to let a badly behaved slave become your problem? You really don’t. You can’t “fix” a slave or submissives personal life. Just like you can’t expect your friends to fix your problems, each individual can only do it themselves.

So what did you think of this article? I would love to read your comments below

Written exclusively for Female Fetish Federation

2 responses to “Don’t Get Upset if Your BDSM Slaves Disappear, Was It Really That Deep in the First Place?”

  1. I take Mental Health days whenever I need them. I let my Mistress know that I’ll be gone for a few days and not to worry. I like to be very mannerly.

  2. I totally understand that Submissives also need a break every now and again. But I do ask them to let me know when this is the case. A quick little “Not feeling too well, be back soon” or something like that shows manners and respect.

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