So this whole story is based on a reaction to something I saw recently as I was trawling through Twitter, as you do when you’re a FinDomme – its your bread and butter; that and it’s always interesting to see what my Domme sisters are up to. Sometimes there’s a little bit of controversy to entertain me, sometimes a dilemma to weigh in on. Other times there a full-on Eastenders style drama to watch from afar (my favourite). On Monday night, however, while I was unwinding with a glass of wine with my feet up, I came across one of these dramas that had a much more sinister tone to it. It was pretty sickening in fact. Foolishly, I thought I could just let it go, but I’ve found that I can’t stop thinking about it – and I’m flat out pissed off that this should have to occupy any space at all in my mind, but here we are.
Somehow, I resisted the urge to post here and on Twitter calling out the poor excuse for a Domme and a human involved. I have no doubt though that some of you will know exactly who I’m referring to. It is because of her that I find myself here, having to find and describe where the line is between domination and abuse – having to call out those who are flaunting and promoting sociopathic behaviour masquerading as domination.
Sociopathy isn’t sexy.
The clip in question, which garnered quite a lot of attention, depicts a sub having his hair forcefully cut while he’s being screamed at. No problem there, really – so long as he’s signed up for this treatment and there’s consent/a safeword. It’s not this that got me riled up as such, what it was was the dead and depressed look in his eyes. I mean, the guy looked absolutely broken, like this was the worst day of his life. Yes, maybe he’d verbally expressed consent, but what was missing was some understanding that there was something more going on here than just that. Most others in the comment section agreed with my gut reaction to this too. Some stated that they thought there could be mental health issues here, and basically that this was far from okay. The magic word kept appearing as I scrolled through the comments – abuse.
The line between domination and abuse had definitely been crossed. Here’s the thing though, I can’t claim to know exactly where this line is, nor can I lecture from some sort of high ground here. I’m no angel. But seriously, all that it requires to make the right call is exercising your basic instincts as a human. If you can’t find that empathy within yourself, if you can’t differentiate between someone who is suffering and someone who is enjoying being dominated – don’t get involved in the BDSM scene.
So what do we do about it?
At the time of writing, though I’m positive that a good few people must have reported her account, she is still active and posting. There will most likely be very little fallout from this except for a loss of face with many of the Dommes who responded to her video. This is fine, and we can live with this as it serves as a perfect example of everything a Domme is not and should not aspire to become. What I really hope though is that we, as a community continue to strive to bond together, to call out the blatantly wrong behaviour as we see it. Let’s lead by example here. I’d also love to hear that the guy in the video got out from under her control and maybe met up with a real Domme, rather than just an abuser. And please, if you happen to know exactly who I’m referring to, no doxing.