Here is my exclamation to the world – “I’m an A-Sexual Dominatrix and That is A-Okay”

Discovering kink made me see there was more to sex, than just sex

Since I can remember I have always been interested in kink and performative femininity. I vividly remember sneaking playing Vivid videos when I was younger and seeing the women in their fine lingerie wielding power over men. Although the men would ultimately use the women, the women seemed to have the ability to just dominate the space. I was enthralled by that. I wanted to BE that.

I discovered kink during my formative sexual years, and it seemed so much more for me than sex was. However, when looking for anything kink related it still was all about sex, just different sex. Eventually, and luckily, I found BDSM. At the ripe ol’ age of 18 I discovered a world where I could explore the nuances of erotism without the need for sex to be involved.

I didn’t know I was asexual then as the language wasn’t available at the time. I just thought I was weird. I did the motions and pushed through sex with partners, but it just didn’t seem to have the same effect or draw for me as it did others. Now, I’m not at all saying sex was bad or I am unfulfilled sexually, I am saying that sex for me just isn’t a necessity physically or mentally nor do I often crave it.

Siren Saintsin

Going beyond the orgasms

The older I get I have come to terms with this is just how I am and there is nothing wrong with that. Even if it makes me odd to most. Eroticism though fascinates, intrigues, enthralls, inspires, and connects me. Nothing helps me explore that more than BDSM and kink.

As a professional Dominatrix and fetish content creator I get a lot of requests for sessions and submissives saying it is imperative for them to fully enjoy if they know I am getting turned on by or getting off by what we are doing. This is hard for me because BDSM is not a sexual activity for me. It is playing in the field of eroticism which allows me to experience something fun, taboo, and naughty with someone else. To explore sensations and emotions beyond the scope of mere sex. We put so much emphasis on sex and orgasm being the end all be all of enjoyable erotic experiences that is seems like everything we do is just a yellow bricked road to get to the emerald palace of fireworks and cum.

Kinky porn certainly doesn’t help to dissuade this narrative either. For a long time, I would tell them it did, but I was lying, and I couldn’t do that anymore. I would then skirt the topic and direct the conversation to something else like limits. That didn’t sit right either. I then realized I really needed to be fully honest with myself and them. BDSM for me is not sexual. It is erotic.

Asexuality leads to the study of all human sexuality

Coming to terms with myself was hard. I love lingerie, I love being thought of sexy and being desired, I loved seeing others turned on by me and what I do, I love connecting playing in the field of erotica, but didn’t really want sex myself. So, how do I manage that when everything about BDSM seemed to be all about sex? How do I take sex out of BDSM? The truth is I don’t. I know full well I am playing in a sexual arena though I accept that I am a facilitator and explorer of it.

I get no greater thrill than playing with all the nuanced aspects of power exchange, mental play, and physical exploration in the many facets of sensory discovery. One of the great and wonderful things about being asexual is I can study human sexuality and take a very pragmatic microscope to it and understand how something can affect someone and explore that with them and how they react. It is truly fun for me. I get a great cerebral pleasure from getting someone to experience something new or give a new twist to something they love. Mental play through physical means became my erotic playground.

Through the years I have talked to many in the lifestyle both personal and professional and many have come out as asexual players as well. More Dominatrices are coming out as demisexual or asexual with similar stories of how BDSM allows them to explore intimacy, kink, and eroticism safely and enjoyably without the pressure of having to have sex simply to satisfy their partners. It has become a power for them to explore themselves while also providing something their partner’s need.

The BDSM, kink and fetish scene is the best place to discover asexuality

Since BDSM is all about communication and setting up boundaries of consent this allows for the discussion of sexual expectations to be laid out clearly among all parties involved. BDSM and kink are arenas where we can traverse many caverns of play and go off the yellow brick road of sexual normality.

Further into my role of being a professional Dominatrix I have learned that there is no better place for someone who wants to investigate the dynamics of human sexuality and be a participant in it without having to concede to the norm. I can still “get off” mentally and it is just as satisfying for me as it is the submissive who is enjoying their orgasm in bondage. Creating intimacy on my terms and within the guidelines and limitations I set allow me to enjoy BDSM to the fullest and I can truly accept my own asexual desires. Being able to enjoy performative femininity and the power that goes with it is why BDSM for me is so incredible and something that will be part of me for the rest of my life.

So here is my exclamation to the world.

I am an a-sexual Dominatrix and that is a-okay.

What did you think of my article? Have you been a questioning asexual? Have I shed any light for you? I am really interested in your comments which you can leave below.

Written exclusively for Female Fetish Federation

5 responses to “Here is my exclamation to the world – “I’m an A-Sexual Dominatrix and That is A-Okay””

  1. This is so interesting. I’d never thought about asexual people being interested in BDSM at all. I’ve always associated it so highly with sex. Hence the reason I made sure my partner was comfortable with me starting this journey.

  2. I am so glad this article has been written! I love financial domination foremost and the amount of money I receive is the biggest turn on for Me. It’s the power I have over men and their finances that I find erotic and never the man himself.

    Even in My vanilla life for the last few years I haven’t found Myself lusting after men as I have wanted far more mental connections (which I find very rare!). I prefer to have emotional connections with men and I can forgo sex for the longest time. That’s not to say I don’t crave it or want it, just that it’s not necessary for Me to have a fulfilling relationship.

  3. So well put. It’s a joy to discover that there’s more to sex than the physical. Age and medical issues have eradicated my desire for physical sex, and as a Domme I’m thoroughly enjoying the indulgence of alternate forms of sexuality.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Videos