The online experience vs. the offline experience
The pandemic has brought changes to virtually all industries in the world. That includes the sex work industry. More and more Dominatrices have been working online while new Female kinksters have discovered fetishes through documentaries and social media. Because of Covid-19, there’s been an increase in the experienced worker move from the dungeons, to sites like OnlyFans.
Working online and working offline are both very different experiences. Both can be very fun, but meeting strangers though sex work has it’s challenges and potential dangers. You shouldn’t be put off by this experience if you approach it cautiously and carefully. Here are some tips to help you get by.
Be aware of the unwarranted approaches
Be wary of people who reach out to you for opportunities. Some people with this tactic use it as a way to coerce new sex workers. This goes for all genders of people. If you are a new Dominatrix or kinkster beware of companies or individuals who promise to promote you, offer you dungeon space usage, or filming opportunities. Basically anything that requires you to pay or that uses your time.
Promoting yourself online
Do your own research. There are lots of free and paid directory sites out there that you can use to promote yourself. Make sure you recognise the other workers on that site, and maybe reach out to them to see if they have been promoted well in return.
Paying a random account on Twitter for retweets is a scam. There are however, lots of engagement groups and submissives who will do this for free. Retweets on Twitter only work on a very small scale so it’s best to create a SFW (safe for work) Instagram and Youtube channel to reach a wider audience. Posting your content for free does bring in the paying customers if you know how to leverage your content.
Above all, invest in marketing and financial advice from people outside of the sex industry. Why? Because then it becomes transferable across all industries of work. If sex work doesn’t feel like it suits your life, at least the money you’ve spent can be used to invest in yourself in another self-employment industry.
Which dungeons should you hire?
There are dungeon directories that list reputable dungeons. When hiring a dungeon they should tell you their hourly rates on their site so you know what you are paying for in advance. Some dungeons will charge you more if you’re unaware of how to hire so it’s best to see the costs upfront. Some dungeons take a deposit and some don’t so always confirm the price.
The person hiring you should meet you at the property and go through all the equipment. They should also be easy to contact before hiring. Any unnecessary and complicated issues that arise beforehand should be a warning for you not to hire with them.
Dungeons aren’t the only places you have to work. You can work in homes, hotels, apartments, and many other places. Just make sure that the privacy of your client is respected at all times. Keep your sessions discrete and consensual with who’s property you’re working in.
When it comes to capturing your work on film with another individual or company, make sure you’re fully aware of the terms. Will you receive a copy of the film? Will you be paid for your time? Is the film going to be an exclusive for them? Is it a content share? All of these things should be arranged in advance and model releases or paperwork should be signed using everyone involved’s real names.
Most importantly NEVER leave a shoot without your content if it’s a content share. You always have the power to say no to anyone who approaches you, no matter who they are. I found out the hard way when I was a new Domme. A Dominatrix I knew, filmed without My prior consent then sold the clip for 2 years on her clips store. She even made excuses not to give Me a copy until I tweeted her publicly asking for it.
Know the laws in your country
Do you know if it is legal or illegal to engage in sex work? For example, in the UK it is legal to pay for sex if the person is over 18 and hasn’t been forced into prostitution. However in Northern Ireland it is illegal to buy sex.
“Prostitution in the United Arab Emirates is illegal. Punishments for engaging in prostitution include heavy fines and imprisonment, with foreign prostitutes typically being deported from the UAE. In 2006 the UAE deported 4,300 foreign prostitutes.” There is a thin line to tread when working here. Even if you work with things like strapons or dildos, they’re classified as “an insertable” which translates to sex.
Dominatricing comes under prostitution in some countries, and so even if you don’t engage in sex, you could still find yourself in trouble. Wherever you do sex work, always check how protected you will be if something goes wrong.
The use of drink and drugs
If you take drugs or drink alcohol, it’s best to avoid to using them while you are working. You’re more at risk under the influence if you want to remain in control at all times. Staying sober during a session will help you trust your better judgement and you’ll be less likely to withdraw from your kinkster, submissive or client.
If you are open about your use of substances, some people might want to take advantage of you. You should also be wary if any of your play partners offer you substances, especially if you don’t know them well. They could use this in exchange for paying for your time and you’ll end up losing out. You should always get paid in cash for your services.
Dressing for work
If you have to travel to your client be it at their home or in a hotel, make sure you’re dressed in civilian clothing. You don’t want to arouse suspicion or attract unwarranted attention and potentially embarrassing moments for your client, especially if it is illegal to do sex work where you are from.
Keep the outfit you want to wear while you’re working in a separate bag with your equipment, or underneath the clothes you’re wearing. It helps to keep your outerwear casual so if things go wrong or you need to catch public transport or rush to a next appointment, you can move quickly.
Your attire for work should be appropriate for the session. Perhaps even ask the client what he would like to see you wear in order to engage him further.
Remember, you’re in charge
If you’re new to exploring BDSM with submissive clients and kinksters, why not check out our Beginners Guides to BDSM.
Never do anything your gut tells you not to. If you feel you’re sacrficing yourself for this work, then it’s ok to say this isn’t for you. What other skills do you have that you can monetise? With sex work you sacrifice your time, money, body, mind and overall mental health.
Make sure you tell a friend, family member or colleague if you’re going to meet a client you haven’t met before. Give them their name, photo, address and email address if you have them. Tell them when and where you’re going to be. Call them before and after you meet them so they can ensure your safety. If you record your sessions then you must tell your client beforehand so they can consent to this.
If things go wrong, here’s what to do
Obtain a deposit during the booking phase, and get paid as soon as you meet your client in person. Clients automatically know that paying for sex work in advance requires a no refund policy. Refunds can only be given if you need to cancel or you know you didn’t do your best work with them.
If play becomes unsafe for you, check the laws in your country but don’t be afraid to call the police. Harassment, racism, verbal and physical abuse are all crimes. If your peers or clients put you in these positions then the police are there to protect you.
If you’re in danger, talk calmly and assertively to the person you were engaging with. Triggering them can get them to lash out and put you in further jeopardy. Distance yourself from them immediately if they’re in your space, or leave the premises right away by getting as far away as possible. Do not look back and keep going.
If you cannot contact the police, you can share any information you have with your peers about them to warn them.
So stay safe and have fun! This is a great industry to work in if you have your wits about you and it will come as second nature the more you play. 99% of people I have encountered have been so wonderful and I have formed some great relationships with My peers and submissives. So you will too!
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