So You’d Like To Try BDSM? Let’s Talk About How To Choose A Provider

You finally decided that it is time to turn your kinky fantasy into reality (I couldn’t be happier for you!) Next step: find someone willing to be your playmate. That can be a little challenging. Why? because sharing a kinky fantasy with someone, in detail, may feel a little uncomfortable. But who is someone who knows about kinky fantasies, embraces them and can’t wait to be part of your kink?? (me!) a passionate BDSM provider. Easy right? Well…not really.

You’ve got to find a dominatrix/mistress/top/master/submissive/bottom (whatever you are looking for) that is right for you. How do you do that? Start your online search. There are lots of providers, lots of them, but not all of them are going to give you the experience you are looking for. Here another – Why? Because we all have different personalities, so you might not “click” with each one of them. Also, different providers, different services, different levels of experience, along with $.

Now that you’ve found your ideal BDSM partner, what’s next?

Once finding someone you think may be a good match, don’t just look at two pictures, or quickly read three sentences and jump to the contact information, because probably that is not nearly enough to understand about the provider. Take your time and – read every single word in their bio – along with the services they do/don’t provide. The information is there, it is free and ready for you, use it.

If you are on a portal that lists many providers, take an additional step and check if they have a website. Do they have a website? If the answer is yes, check it out! The website will probably contain a lot of the information you need. Then, from there contact the provider with clear questions. Because having clear questions helps everyone.

If you want the amazing experience you are looking for, don’t rush

Why is it a good idea to gather as much information as possible before contacting a provider? Because it is better to discuss how the provider can make your fantasy an amazing experience, instead of going through basic information available on their website. For example, you may spend 5 minutes talking, and only at the end, you remember to ask if the provider does incalls or outcalls only. Guess what, outcalls only, but you are looking for an incall: the information was available on the website. That would have saved time for both of you.

One very important piece of information. If you are looking for escort services, point that out – at the beginning – of the conversation, because BDSM providers are unlikely to accept your request.

Now that you have done your diligent research, found a couple of providers you’d like to talk to, be ready to answer a question that is going to help you and the provider:

What kind of experience are you looking for?

Please, don’t answer “I don’t know” because: you know, you do know. And refrain yourself from saying “I am open to anything”, because I might take you literally, and I like to play hard. So for me “I am open to anything” means that you are ok with asphyxiation, strap-on, hot candle wax, ball busting and all those good things I like to do.

Rule #1: when talking to a provider – don’t be shy. We are kinky people, just be respectful.

Rule #2: don’t be afraid to ask questions, the good ones, those that help to understand if you are a good match. For example, ask the provider what their favourite activities are, how long they have been seeing clients, ask why they like what they do. These are the thoughtful questions, the questions that can help you understand if you are a good match.

When describing what you are looking for, be as specific as possible, and if you are asked to answer a question, answer yes, only if it is a yes. Personally, I always want to make sure that my sessions are enjoyed by all participants, so when a submissive tells me that they will do everything their Mistress asks, I explain that it doesn’t work like that with me. I like to whip your balls, but maybe you don’t really enjoy it – I want to know that. You – must – tell me that you don’t like that. I am not open to sessions that don’t act as a relief.

Always remember, BDSM is about ultimately about freedom

To me, BDSM is a form of therapy, it is a safe space, you must feel safe to express yourself and play based on your likes. Knowing that you are truly enjoying a session makes me enjoy it too.

My strongest advice is to look for a provider that is interested in getting to know you, your preferences. That shows that they are committed to what they do and want to give you the amazing experience you are looking for.

Good luck with your search!

Written by: Goddess Nina Devine

Twitter: @_Nina_Devine

Written exclusively for Female Fetish Federation

2 responses to “So You’d Like To Try BDSM? Let’s Talk About How To Choose A Provider”

  1. Great tips. Always take time to research and make sure that she has interests that are similar to yours. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, DON’T BOOK. There are tons of wonderful Dommes out there and taking the time to find one that provides what you are looking for will prove to be an excellent investment of time.

  2. Great article and good advice, if I may add some points. Personal Hygiene: Always Shower/Bath before your Meeting/ session, treat it like a job interview, dress smart, If Pegging is your thing, then clean yourself out, plenty of products in chemist and online, no excuse for attending “Dirty”, Timekeeping: Be punctual, Never be early, Don’t be late, If you are going to be late, contact the Provider and let Him/Her know, He/she may be able to work around it, but do contact Him/Her,

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