Let’s set the scene; you and your sub have just had a fun and exciting session together. They’ve fallen into a blissful subspace and you completely ate up your power over them. Everyone had a good time! You turn to your submissive, noticing a look of fatigue coming over their face. It’s different from a blissful exhaustion; there’s a sense of melancholy behind those eyes. You notice the signs. Your submissive is falling in to a ‘sub-drop’.
Akin to subspace, sub-drop is normally caused by a chemical reaction in the body in response to the play that has just occurred.
These symptoms can be both physical and psychological in nature.
The physical: these symptoms can range from flu-like symptoms, to aches and pains in the body, headaches, nausea, and cravings – to name but a few. These are the more obvious symptoms but yet we don’t always have the presence of mind to associate them with our play time.
The psychological: these effects can be harder to deal with. Common traits can include shame or guilt, feelings of melancholy or depression, fear, agitation, anxiety or confusion.
This is where aftercare comes into play. Aftercare, dealt by someone who knows what they’re doing, can lessen the symptoms of a sub-drop and can also speed up the subs recovery time. But, the responsibility of aftercare isn’t solely on the dominatrix. The submissive must also be aware of when they feel themselves hitting a drop. They should also understand what they need to make themselves feel better and be willing to communicate these needs. Any aspiring professional dominatrix will thus need to understand the process of aftercare because some submissives will request/need this service as part of their session.
As symptoms can vary, a submissives’ need level for aftercare can be seen to do the same. Sometimes this can depend on the type of session, as well as the level of intensity whereas other times it just depends on the sub themselves and their own character traits. The first and foremost thing you can do for your submissive is to give them reassurance. I cannot say this enough! The psychological effects of a drop can be harder for the person experiencing it to understand in the moment, and reassurance will help lessen any potential feelings of guilt or shame.
A good tip I’ve learnt along the way is to either carry/have ready a “drop kit”.
This will help you be ready in case a drop does occur, so you can guide your submissive back to a place of comfort.
Here’s a few good ideas of what to keep in your kit:
- First-Aid Kit – Depending on the type of session; there may be some wounds to clean and bandage up, or ointment to rub on sore areas. An ice-pack is always good to have around for those red-raw bottoms too! A First-Aid kit is also a really smart piece of equipment to have on hand anyway, just in case there are any mishaps during the session.
- Replenishment – After a really steamy session, it is more than likely that both of you will be dehydrated. Water, or a drink with electrolytes are important to have to hand to re-hydrate both you and your submissive! It’s also good to have some snacks to hand. These can be snacks that replenish sugars and salts – like bananas, chocolate, candy and salted nuts or crisps.
- Dressing gown and cozy socks or a blanket– Feeling wrapped up in a soft dressing gown or blanket can help make your sub feel safe and cozy – exactly what you want when feeling vulnerable. Some submissives love a good cuddle too!
- Relaxing activities– Listening to soothing music, watching their favourite movie, playing video games, reading or colouring. These are all ways to bring your sub back to a state of full relaxation. As an extra bonus, if it’s something you can do together it can help with the bonding process too!
Some submissives will simply want to talk.
Finding something to laugh about together or maybe discussing their favourite/least favourite moments of the session – or maybe an element they’d like to explore further. Once this conversation isn’t too critical in nature, it can be beneficial for both parties. Others will simply need some sleep. They may will be physically and mentally exhausted. They may need further aftercare after their nap.
Sometimes aftercare isn’t only just needed directly after the session. If possible, it’s good to check in with your submissive the following day/a few days later. A coffee date or quick call/ text – really simple things just to show your presence.
These are just a few tips and tricks I’ve learnt along the way from talking to my submissives and just doing my research prior to becoming a domme. Each submissive is different and may have slightly different needs when it comes to experiencing their drop, but this is a good start and talking to your submissive when planning the session will really help you be there for them.
I would like to finish up by saying, by no means am I suggesting that the dominant or ‘top’ cannot experience a drop. But that’s something I don’t want to gloss over hastily, so I’ll discuss it in a separate article in the near future.