Alright, alright – so I know what some of you are going to say… ‘Valentine’s Day is a holiday set up by Hallmark to sell cards, flowers and chocolate and make us feel bad for being alone’, right? And look, I’m not going to lie, I kind of believe that statement too. But yet, I also find myself thinking ‘what’s the harm in an excuse for a bit of romance?’ Though I don’t personally buy into the expensive dinner out and lavish gifts ethos, I do enjoy seeing the lush food being sold to me in the supermarket and having a night in with my partner for some sexy play time.
Does everyone share the same opinion as me?
I was really curious to see what others in the kink world thought about Valentine’s day. I put out the feelers (on Reddit, Twitter etc.) to see what, if any role the February 14th festivities have in their relationships. The findings were somewhat inconclusive, turning up results that were quite varied depending on the dynamics each unique relationship. I mainly focused on reaching out to those in Dominant/Submissive relationships – but found that even these dynamics can vary greatly. Some of these variants depended on the length of their relationship and whether they were each-others’ only partner. Naturally, the respondents who held a casual arrangements’ answers also served to break any emergent pattern.
Being an online Dominatrix, my first port of call was to try and suss out the scene I’m involved in. I wanted to find out whether Online Dommes found themselves busier during the “Romantic Season” or whether they see a decline as their subs spend time with their domestic partners. After talking to some online Dommes and submissive friends, it seems that the balance is pretty even – with Dommes becoming slightly busier around Valentines’ – albeit not by much (41% of Dommes finding themselves busier, with 35% of subs opting to spend time with their domestic partner instead). My favourite response of all to my poll was from @ThinksHeIsCool who quipped: “I voted sub, spending time with my partner. My answer may be a bit misleading because my partner is not a person but my left hand” I LOVED this little piece of humour, but it also got me thinking. On this day of love what’s wrong with a little self-love? A night in with yourself, maybe a bath or nice bottle of wine (preferably both) and some super sexy porn!
Kink or Cuddles? – Why not Both?
When it came to those in long-term domestic relationships who also enjoy letting their kink flag fly, the answer to this question wasn’t a clean cut yes or no. Of course, most couples told me that they do date nights all year round – YES to this by the way! A partner is for the long haul, not just for Valentines! But, with that, the majority of them normally did something on February 14th or on the days surrounding it. What I especially loved to hear was that many couples are mixing the conventional with the “taboo”. Some couples usually get each other flowers and chocolates or have a special dinner, either in a restaurant or at home and then break out the toybox after. I was VERY jealous of the couple who told me they would be attending a kink play night!
So, I guess the take home point of this is – don’t let the pressure Hallmark puts upon us to spend excessively get to you. If you want to do something typically and classically romantic, go for it! If you’d prefer to have a night of uninhibited kink, then let your freak flag fly. You want a mix of both? Enjoy! Be safe, be consensual, be sexy! Whatever you’re getting up to this Valentine’s Day, enjoy it!